Author: Monica Reinagel, MS, LDN

We often talk about the many choices that we get to make each day about whether, what, and how much we want to eat. Becoming more aware of these choices is one of the first thing we work on in the year long Weighless program.  But our members are often confused about this at first.

They think this means self-policing every move.

They think doing it “right” means always doing what they “should.”

But it’s more subtle than that. It’s about noticing how often we actually have an opportunity to make a choice. (Remember: A habit is just a choice we don’t realize we’re making.)

Because when we can tune into the fact that we’re actually making a choice, making a different choice suddenly becomes an option!

So, before I reflexively order/serve/grab/eat something, I take a moment to consider: Am I actually hungry or just responding to a cue? Do I really want this or would something else be more satisfying?

The other big misunderstanding is that your only two choices are Yes and No.   (And that the right choice is always No.)

But these are not your only choices!  Other great choices include:

“Yes, but just half that much, thanks.”

“Yes, but not right now. I think I’ll save that for later.”

“No, I’d actually much prefer ____________ instead.”

And, of course, every once in a while the right choice is: “HELL YES!!”

So, as you continue to tune in to the many choices you get to make every day, try to enjoy the freedom this offers you. See if you can find ways to say Yes more often, but in ways that are more aligned with your goal of weighing less.

Most of us try hard to be reliable. If we make a commitment to someone, we do our best to honor it.  We want our friends, loved ones, and co-workers to know that they can count on us.

As a result, we end up doing things we may not really feel like doing–simply because we’ve told someone else that we will.

The last thing we feel like doing at the end of a workday is stopping by a neighbor’s house to feed the cats and clean the litter box. But we’ve promised to look in on Fluffy while he’s away. So we do.

Sometimes this works to our advantage. We’ve promised to meet a buddy at the gym for an early morning workout. When the alarm rings at 6am, we just want to roll over and go back to sleep.  But we’re not about to be a no show. We honor our commitments.

Sometimes, of course, we can’t keep our promises. But for the most part, we make it a priority.

Except when those commitments are to ourselves.

We break the promises we make to ourselves all the time.  We vow to take a break from social media. We swear off soda or commit to a new exercise plan. We resolve to meditate every morning.

And then we just don’t do it.

We think it doesn’t matter because we’re not letting anyone else down.  But it DOES matter. We are teaching ourselves that we don’t take our own goals very seriously. That we can’t be trusted to come through for ourselves.

Pretty soon, we don’t even take our commitments to ourselves very seriously. We make all kinds of reckless, half-baked promises. Because we know we’re all talk and no action.

What if you were to decide to take the commitments you make to yourself as seriously as the commitments you make to others?  To show up for yourself, no matter what?

How would that affect how you feel about yourself? How might that affect which goals you commit to? How might it affect your ability to reach them?

What if honoring your commitments to yourself meant you had to make fewer (or different) commitments to others?

If you’ve repeatedly broken your promises to yourself, it may take some time to rebuild trust in your own integrity. It starts by making a commitment…and keeping it. And then repeating, over and over. Until you start to believe that a promise that you make to yourself is just as important as a promise you make to anyone else.

What promise to yourself can you make and keep this week?

I just returned home from an 8-day business trip. If you travel for business, you know how that goes: your normal eating and exercise routines are thrown completely under the bus, you don’t have a lot of control over what and when you eat, the food is often richer and more indulgent than your usual fare, and you might be getting less sleep. All your healthy habits feel out of reach.

I used to just mentally hit the “pause button” when trips like this came up and resolve to get back to eating healthy when I returned.

The problem is that something was always coming up to prevent me from sticking to my healthy routines: A vacation. A special event. A huge deadline at work. A hospitalized parent. A friend in need. An unexpected guest. (Or, in this case, a stomach bug that hit the day after I returned.)

The truth is, my healthy habits were “on pause” a lot more than they weren’t. Because life.

I finally realized that the only way to live a healthy life was to figure out how to make healthy choices even when I was out of my normal routine.  Because it turns out that my idealized notion of what a healthy day includes (aka, my “normal routine”) doesn’t actually happen all that often.

So, instead of “hitting the pause button” during my business trip, I continued to make the healthiest choices I could. I realized I didn’t have to eat every time we took a snack break. I didn’t have to sample every dessert. I didn’t have to drink wine with every meal. I stood through presentations in the back of the room instead of sitting all day. I talked some folks into walking back from dinner instead of taking the shuttle van.

My point is, if all the conditions need to be perfect in order to lose weight, we’re not going to make much progress toward our goals.

So, the next time you’re tempted to hit the “pause” button, commit instead to making the best choices you can under the circumstances. Don’t wait for life to get back to normal. It won’t!

When are you most likely to hit the pause button? How could you navigate that situation as someone who weighs less?

What am I saying No to by saying Yes to this?

I love this question because it allows me to be a little more conscious of the trade-offs I am making.

If I’m just trying to decide whether or not I want dessert, the answer is always going to be Yes.  But if saying Yes to dessert means I’m saying No to weighing less, then I’m forced to consider which is worth more to me.

Similarly, by saying YES to working late. I’m also saying NO to working out.  Which is more important to me today?

By saying YES to a second glass of wine, I am probably saying NO to a sound night’s sleep.  (Alcohol definitely degrades my sleep quality.)   Which do I want more?

By saying YES when my sister calls and asks if I have time to chat, I’m saying NO to catching the news or taking a walk.  Often, that tradeoff is 100% OK with me.

Try this question out for yourself and see what you discover. Even if it doesn’t change your decision, I guarantee it will give you more insight into what you’re choosing and why.

You can even post this question as a little reminder for yourself right where you need to see it.  (Inside the snack cupboard? On top of the ice cream bowls? On the fridge? On top of the takeout menus?)

Here’s a printable reminder in a variety of sizes.

Do you ever feel like there are two versions of you?

There’s Morning You that’s totally committed to a healthy lifestyle. The you that makes a smoothie for breakfast, packs a salad for lunch, takes the stairs instead of the elevator, fills up your water bottle several times a day (from the furthest possible water cooler), and takes the dog for a longer-than-necessary walk before grilling fish and vegetables dinner.

And then there’s Evening You. The you that starts rummaging through the snack cupboard as soon as the dinner dishes are done. The you that just wants to relax in front of the tube with a bag of pretzels or bowl of ice cream. The you that wants another glass of wine, thank you very much, instead of a stupid cup of herbal tea.

The you that doesn’t care about eating healthy or losing weight. (Morning You can get back to that tomorrow…)

But it’s hard for Morning You to make much progress when Evening You basically undoes every good choice you’ve made in the first part of the day.

Here is a way to get Evening You more on board with the program

The Evening Ritual

You’ve heard of Morning Rituals but an Evening Ritual can be just as powerful.

A morning ritual helps you start the day on the right foot.  It might be a few minutes spent journaling or meditating, exercising, reading, or listening to a motivating podcast.  And that sends you into the day with a lot of positive momentum, making it easier to make Weighless choices.

By the end of the day, that morning clarify and focus may feel very far away. You’re worn down and frazzled by the day’s challenges and motivation starts to slip.  Whiffs ensue.

But you can refresh your intentions by taking a few moments at the end of the day or beginning of the evening to check back in with yourself and your goals.

Your evening ritual doesn’t have to be long or elaborate. It might be a ten minute session on your yoga mat, a few minutes reading something that inspires you, or even just sitting quietly, closing your eyes, and taking some deep breaths. Acknowledge the day’s successes. Let go of the day’s frustrations. Remind yourself what’s important. You’ll go into the evening feeling much more relaxed and in touch with what you want for yourself and from your evening.

(And tomorrow, Morning You will thank you.)

What sort of evening ritual can you create for yourself?  Where and when will it take place? What will it include? How will it conclude?

There are so many extra opportunities to indulge at this time of year.  As we’ve been talking about all month, the idea is not to completely avoid all the good things. But at the same time, if we indulge at every opportunity, it’s probably going to undermine our goals/progress.

Instead of trying to indulge less, learn to indulge more extravagantly.

Remember to tune into your entire sensory experience, not just the chewing and swallowing! Call to mind all of the pleasant memories that the sight of a special treat evokes for you. Remember times that you’ve enjoyed this treat in the past. Where were you? Who were you with?  Take a moment to enjoy the smell.  Let your mouth water a bit! Now, notice the way the aroma and texture contribute to your experience of the flavor.  Tune into the pleasure you get as that first bite hits your stomach.

Notice how your sensory experience is richest right before and during your first bites, and how it starts to fade as you continue to eat. When it’s no longer feeling special, stop. And then, take a moment to fully savor the experience you’ve just had. Instead of rushing through what feels like a guilty pleasure, claim it! Let it expand in time, space, and perception.  The more present you are with that experience, the more vivid, pleasurable, and satisfying the memory of it will be.

This holiday, I hope you will take the opportunity to have at least one peak treat experience. See how much more pleasure you can get when you choose your treats carefully and enjoy them fully.  And let this be your new holiday motto:

Only the good stuff. Just enough. Extravagantly enjoyed.

It’s not just you. MOST of us end up eating more sugar, drinking more alcohol, missing more workouts, and eating fewer vegetables at this time of year. We THINK the problem is that we’ve lost our motivation. But I don’t think we stop wanting to weigh less just because it’s the holidays.

It’s just that our usual routines get thrown into the blender.  Travel, extra obligations, and disruptions in our schedule eat into our usual exercise times. Meal planning and grocery shopping fall by the wayside. And there are so many more opportunities to indulge.

If we fall short of our usual standard, we feel like we’ve failed, which drains our ambition even further and it quickly turns into an ugly downward spiral.

The solution is to redefine what success looks like at this time of year. Think about what you really need and what feels possible. What do you want to remember most when it’s all over? What are you most looking forward to? What could you skip without really missing it? How do you want to feel on New Year’s Day?

Holiday success might mean:

• getting to the gym once a week without fail instead of your usual three times–and sneaking in more 20 minute walks
• doing a short yoga video at home on Saturday morning instead of your usual 75 minute class at the studio.
• keeping it to 5 drinks a week instead of your usual 2
• allowing yourself a little extra sugar but only for treats that are truly worthy
• relaxing your no-eating-after-8 rule but NOT your no-eating-in-front-of-the-TV rule
• not gaining weight between now and New Year’s.

Having a clear holiday ambition and a realistic plan for how you’re going to make it happen fuels success, which fuels motivation.

What’s your ambition for this holiday season? How will you define success?

Here are some tips for enjoying the holiday season to the fullest, with no regrets when it’s all over.

Click here for a downloadable/printable version.

Don’t abandon your healthy habits. You may end up eating a little more sugar or drinking a little more alcohol this next month than you usually do. Now is not the time to also stop exercising or ease up on the vegetables. Keep your healthy habits going and those holiday indulgences will do a lot less damage.

Schedule in time for a brisk walk before getting dressed for the party. Once there, load up at the raw vegetable platter before hitting the cookie tray. If you are traveling, make sure you do a search for gyms nearby where you are staying, or pack resistance bands, exercise gear, and running shoes. 

Save it for the good stuff. There are lots of treats and temptations around this time of year but not all of them are worth indulging in. Instead of mindlessly noshing on every single thing that crosses your path, hold out for the stuff that’s really worth it. 

Show up for it. It’s not an indulgence if you have no memory of the experience! When eating something purely for pleasure, be sure to be there when it happens. Instead of mindlessly munching on M&Ms while you fill in your expense report, stop what you’re doing and savor every one. Save the blue ones for last and linger even longer over those.

Savor then stop. A lot of us confuse indulgence with over-indulgence. An indulgence feels good. Over-indulgence does not.  Once you’ve decided what you’re going to have and you’ve set aside time to mindfully enjoy it, decide ahead of time how much you’re going to have.  Don’t sit down with the entire carton of ice cream or bag of barbecue chips. Serve yourself up an indulgent serving and put the rest away. Resist the inevitable urge to go back for seconds as soon as the bowl is empty.  Instead, think for a few moments about how much you enjoyed your treat and then turn your attention to something else. 

Employ Variety Strategically. We tend to eat more when there is lots of variety to choose from and this often gets us into trouble at parties. If there are 12 different types of cookies on offer, we’re likely to crunch through far more than we would if presented with just one or two options. Luckily, this tendency can just as easily be turned into an advantage.

Don’t keep dozens of different snacks and treats around the house. Pick one or two favorites and leave it at that. But when it comes to putting together the vegetable platter, don’t stop with the usual carrots and celery. Pile on veggies of all different colors, shapes, textures, and flavors: grape tomatoes, cauliflower florets, red peppers, Belgian endive scoops, radishes, blanched asparagus. Offer a colorful variety of healthy dip options as well such as hummus, salsa, roasted eggplant—but maybe just one cheese or sour-cream based dip. You and your guests will enjoy a bountiful spread—with none of the remorse.

Commit to keeping tabs. We really do only manage what we measure. If we weigh ourselves regularly throughout the holiday season, we’re less likely to discover on January 1st that we’ve gained ten pounds without realizing it. And if we keep a rough tally of of how many times per week we’re exercising or the number of drinks that we consume on a daily basis, we’re much more likely to stay closer to our goals.

Every little bit counts. Remember that when it comes to exercise every little bit helps. Instead of falling into the all-or-nothing trap (“I don’t have time for a 45-minute workout so I will just skip it altogether.”), squeeze in what you can and reap the benefits. 

Keep your perspective.  Obviously, eating a lot of junk food and skipping your workouts on a regular basis is not a recipe for good health. After a while, it’s not even particularly enjoyable. But an occasional indulgence or lapse–in the context of a healthy lifestyle –is not going to send you to an early grave. Remember that it’s not what you do on your worst day or your best day that matters but what you do most days that counts.

“I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked. ”

I hear this all the time. But, often, when we really peel back the layers, it turns out that they haven’t tried anything at all. Not really.

Here’s how it usually goes down:

You decide to eat more mindfully or cut out after dinner snacking or exercise before work.  You make a plan and schedule it all in. And that’s where the effort peaks.

Maybe you stick to the plan for a day or 3.  And then, you start to hit some resistance. You get impatient. It’s hard and it’s not working yet. So you conclude that it’s not for you and start looking for the next thing.

When we continually jump from thing to thing, and don’t stick with anything long enough to get results, we get nowhere. We say we’ve tried everything and nothing works. But in reality, we’ve tried nothing.

The only way to get results that last is to permanently change your behavior. And true behavior change takes sustained effort.  Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be extreme or excruciating effort. Just sustained.

And it’s not a matter of picking the best strategy or approach.  Take 100 steps on any path and you’ll be much closer to your destination than taking the first 10 steps on 10 different paths.

So, the next time you commit to a positive change or action, no matter how small, commit to staying the course. Give yourself time to actually create and reinforce that new habit pattern. (They say creating a habit takes 21 days but it depends on the habit. You know it’s a habit when you no longer have to decide whether or not to do it. )

Give that new behavior time to bear fruit before deciding that something else will work better.

“Something else” won’t work better.  The things you stick with are going to be the things that work or, at the very least, lead you to the things that work.

It’s natural to want more of something you’re enjoying. And yet it’s worth cultivating the ability to “savor and then stop.” For example, I REALLY enjoy my morning cup of coffee. I usually drink it out on the front porch (weather permitting), listening to the birds. That 20 minutes is one of my favorite parts of the whole day.

Often, as I’m getting near the end of my cup, I have the urge to make a second cup. To extend the pleasure for a few more minutes. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with not giving in to this urge.

I drink my coffee black, so it’s not like I save any calories by skipping the second cup. But I realize that it’s the same mental habit that leads me to pour a second glass of wine or eat a second brownie. “This is so good…must have more.”

Skipping that second cup of coffee (which never actually tastes as good as the first, anyway) is a way of reinforcing a different habit: enjoying just one of something to the last crumb or drop and then moving on to the next activity–which, in this case, is my morning walk. Win/Win.