Category: Deep thoughts

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, life generally doesn’t run on a straight track. Some stretches feel smooth and easy, others are rocky. Sometimes we’re dialed in and motivated, and other times…not so much.

All of this is perfectly normal and learning to roll with the punches is one of the skills that contributes to our long-term success and well-being.

But here’s something I’ve noticed: When we realize that we’ve drifted a bit off course, our narrative about it is often a lot more dramatic than the reality. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people (including myself) say something like:

“Everything was going great and then it all fell apart.“

Sometimes we can point to a specific moment when “things started slipping.” Other times there’s no clear cause. But when we look back, we see a complete derailment. And that is almost always a distortion.

Because most of the time, nothing has actually collapsed. Maybe we’ve lost some momentum. Maybe a couple of priorities slipped out of focus. Maybe it’s just been 80% instead of 100%. That’s not a train wreck—that’s a wobble.

So why do we narrate it as a total disaster?

Maybe it’s our negativity bias–that human tendency to exaggerate threats, dangers, and faults and minimize our successes.

Maybe it’s the way our brains prefer binary stories: We’re either on track or we’re off the rails. (And, honestly, the times when “everything was going great” were probably not quite as flawless as we’re remembering.)

And sometimes, if we’re being honest, it’s because categorizing it as a complete derailment gives us cover to stay frozen in inertia. If everything has “fallen apart,” then fixing it feels too big, too exhausting. Which makes it easy to do…nothing.

But what if we were to fact-check that story?

If we ask, “What exactly has slipped…and by how much?” we usually find a short, manageable list. And that feels different. Because then it’s not about rebuilding the whole house from the ground up. It’s about nudging one or two things back into place today.

So maybe the next time you catch yourself thinking that the wheels have come off your bus, pause and ask: Have they really? Or have a few things just gone a little wobbly?

Lessons from the neighborhood preschoolers

On my morning walk, I pass an elementary school with a Pre-K program. Every August, I notice something sweet: families doing “trial runs” for the kids who will be starting school for the very first time.

On a pre-arranged day, they get up early, get dressed, eat breakfast, and make the short walk or drive to the school. Parents or caregivers walk their little one inside, meet the teacher, peek into the classroom, and then—after ten minutes or so—they head back home to their summer routine. Depending on how nervous the kid (or parent!) is, they might even have a couple of trial runs before school starts.

By the time the first official day rolls around, those kids aren’t facing a terrifying new experience. They know the building. They know the teacher’s face. They’ve rehearsed the routine. Fewer meltdowns, fewer tears, an easier launch for everyone.

So, what does this have to do with weighing less?

Apart from the academics among us, most of us haven’t started a school year in decades. But September still carries that “new year” energy. (They don’t call it Little January for nothing.) And perhaps you are starting to think about a September “reset.”

In Weighless, we often talk about the myth of the clean slate. Halfway through a weekend, we figure we’ve already blown it, so we might as well wait until Monday. Or we tell ourselves we’ll get back to our healthy routines “once summer is over.”

But of course, we don’t need a clean slate to start moving in the right direction. One small choice today, perhaps another later this week, can make September feel less like a cold start and more like a gentle slide into routine.

And here’s where I think we can learn a little something from the preschoolers. What might your version of the “trial run” be? What could you rehearse now to start building toward a more reliable routine?

• A mini meal-planning or meal-prep session?
• Trying out the exercise class that you are planning to make a habit in the Fall?
• Setting the alarm a little early to make time for a more intentional morning?

What’s one small thing you could practice this week that would gently start easing you into your fall routines?

This is not the typical “Deep Thought” but in our Office Hours yesterday, folks were asking how to calculate targets for protein, so I made you a little calculator!

Hold these targets loosely! The difference between 100 and 105 grams of protein is not game-changing. (But the difference between 60 and 100 may be!).

As I shared during Office Hours, I am experimenting with increasing my daily protein from low-moderate (~80g) to high-moderate (~120g). I’m curious to see how that affects my body composition (and, secondarily body weight). After about a week, the most notable effect has been on appetite.

Because higher-protein diets can sometimes be constipating, I’m also loosely tracking fiber, to ensure I’m getting enough. I’m just using a Google doc to log the approximate protein and fiber content of meals and snacks throughout the day. It’s fairly easy to look up nutrition info but I also have a table showing the protein content of common foods here and a table of fiber content here.

One last note: When increasing protein, it’s important to increase fluids!

I want to share a reflection on what it’s like to do this type of work — and I’m drawing as much from my experience trying to create positive change in my own habits as from my experience supporting others.

When we’re looking for solutions or support, it’s so easy to succumb to the fantasy that the answers—the right strategy, the key insight, the thing that finally “works”—will come from outside ourselves. From the program. From the tools. From the coach.

And in a way, that’s understandable. We want to believe that someone or something else might finally bridge the gap between what we intend to do and what we actually do.

But here’s what I know to be true (and often have to remind myself):

Continue reading ““Just tell me how to do this””

For those who weren’t able to join us at our last Office Hours, I wanted to share a few highlights from our conversation on gratification vs. satisfaction. While these two experiences may seem similar, they can lead us down very different paths—especially when it comes to our relationship with food and health.

Continue reading “Gratification vs Satisfaction”

If you’ve ever found it hard to stop at one cookie or a single glass of wine, you’re not alone. Often, the challenge isn’t the first indulgence—it’s the almost irresistible pull for a second (or third). This urge is largely driven by dopamine, the neurotransmitter that motivates us to repeat pleasurable behaviors.

Sometimes it can feel easier to skip the first treat entirely than to navigate the strong craving for more. But I’ve been experimenting with a strategy that feels both counterintuitive and surprisingly effective: reliving the pleasure of the first experience instead of repeating it.

Here’s how it works: The next time you finish a glass of wine or a cookie and feel the urge for another, pause. Instead of reaching for more, take a moment to vividly relive the sensory experience of what you just enjoyed. Reflect on the taste, texture, and aroma. How did it make you feel? Which flavors stood out? What was the most pleasurable moment?

Of course, this strategy requires that you actually paid full attention to that first one…but that is something that we’ve been working on for a while.

Continue reading “Try this: An antidote to wanting “more””

I’ve talked before about how an urge isn’t always the same as desire. Sometimes, when we pause to examine an urge, we realize our actual desire isn’t all that strong—the urge is just a response to environmental cues. This insight can really help me override urges that are more about habit than about something I truly want.

Here’s a new spin on that realization: Sometimes, an urge does align with a genuine desire, but that doesn’t mean we can’t choose differently.

Let me give you a personal example. I absolutely love a super hoppy IPA craft beer. The sight of an IPA tap at a bar or the idea of visiting a craft brewery while traveling can easily trigger a desire to have one. Unfortunately, these types of beer tend to be particularly high in both alcohol and calories. And so I find myself having the following internal dialogue.

Me: “A different type of beer would probably be more of a Weighless choice.”

Also Me: “Yeah, but I really enjoy those IPAs. Maybe that justifies choosing that anyway.”

But here’s what I’ve realized: Two things can be true at once. Yes, I genuinely enjoy a good IPA. AND there are other things I enjoy just as much, if not more:

• Feeling less full after dinner
• Waking up feeling clear-headed
• Seeing the scale hold steady (or even decrease a bit)

In those moments of deliberation, I need to remember that by saying No to an IPA (even though I genuinely enjoy them). I’m saying YES to these other experiences that I value deeply.

This brings us back to a core Weighless principle: It’s not just about getting better at saying No. It’s also about learning to say Yes to things we enjoy even more—our health, our goals, and our best selves.

Related:

What am I saying No to?
Choose to say Yes more often

Remember our old friend, Priority Mapping? Priority mapping helps us navigate that overwhelming feeling when you have a bunch of ideas for stuff that might help and don’t know where to start.

Here’s a quick refresher on how we typically use priority mapping:

Get out your sticky notes! Here’s how it works:

1. Make a list of all the things that you feel are getting in your way and keeping you from enacting the behaviors you want to adopt or from being successful in your Weighless journey.

For example:
-arriving home from work overly tired/hungry and diving into unhealthy snacks
-no place to keep food cold (or heat it up) at work.
-not getting enough protein at breakfast and feeling hungry before lunch
-children or partner’s dietary needs or preferences at odds with yours

…we could go on and on, right?

2. Line up your stickies according to impact, with the lowest impact at the bottom and the highest impact at the top.

Remember, impact isn’t just about magnitude – it’s also about frequency. A daily hiccup could ultimately have more impact than a monthly meltdown.

3. The next step is to write a potential solution for each barrier on its sticky note. Need some help with that? Check out or revisit Topic 34: What would it take? or let us help you brainstorm in the forum.

4. Now, position your stickies from left to right, based on how solvable they are. (Because let’s face it, some mountains are easier to climb than others.)

For example, advance-prepping a healthy, pre-portioned snack to eat when you walk in the door may be more feasible than buying a mini-fridge for your office. (Then again, depending on your circumstances, the latter may feel like less of a stretch.)

5. Look for the barriers in that sweet spot of high impact and high solvability. These are your priority targets!

Putting it into Action

So, here’s your mission, should you choose to accept it (and I hope you do!):

Grab those sticky notes (or any scraps of paper) and map out your barriers.
Rank them for impact and solvability.

Identify your top 3 priority barriers to focus on.

Share your insights in our forum: What barriers did you identify? Which ones are you planning to tackle first?

Let’s turn those barriers into stepping stones, shall we?

As some of you are starting to approach or settle into “maintenance mode,” it’s clear that this phase brings its own unique set of challenges and opportunities.

The Maintenance Mode Paradox

Reaching our ideal weight is a significant accomplishment, one that we’ve worked hard to achieve. However, the initial elation of attaining this goal can fade surprisingly quickly. We might even feel a bit lost or uninspired, as if maintaining our progress doesn’t provide the same sense of reward as actively working towards it. This reaction is more common than you might think, and it’s perfectly normal. The key is to recognize this feeling and use it as a catalyst for growth.

Finding New Frontiers

So, how do we keep the momentum going? The answer lies in setting new goals and finding fresh challenges.

• Celebrate your achievement: Take the time to acknowledge this significant milestone.
• Identify a new goal: Instead of becoming complacent, consider your next objective. For some, it may be improving strength or body composition. For others, it may be focusing on other domains of health and wellness. After losing 25% of her starting weight, for example, one of my private coaching clients decided that her next goal was to wean herself off Ambien. You get to choose!
• Develop new habits: As you identify your next frontier, you’ll apply the same tools that you’ve used to become someone who weighs less. Identifying the new behaviors you want to adopt; removing barriers that might be in the way. Experimenting. Collecting evidence.
• Measure progress: Think about how you will monitor and measure your progress toward your new objectives.

It’s about using our accomplishments as stepping stones to new challenges, constantly evolving and improving our lives.

Your Next Chapter

For those of you in maintenance mode or approaching it:

What have you identified as your next frontier?
How can you build upon your Weighless success to improve other areas of your health and well-being?
What new habits or skills would you like to develop?

Not there yet?

For those who are not yet at this point in the process, or who are feeling stalled out on their progress, you might be thinking, “Yeah, that sounds like a nice problem to have!”

But perhaps it is still useful to think about goals or objectives you might want to pursue as your next frontier. Maybe that can even be part of the “compelling why” that pulls you forward.

Remember, the Weighless journey isn’t just about reaching a number on the scale. It’s about creating a sustainable, healthy lifestyle that continues to evolve with us. By setting new goals and challenges, we keep our journey fresh, exciting, and rewarding.

We humans seem to need to be able to explain ourselves (and our behavior) to ourselves.

If we backslide or relapse, we want to be able to point to the reasons that we did not do–or stopped doing–what we intended to. We had an injury, a family member became ill, work got crazy, we got laid off…

These events definitely have an impact on us. However, I think they are usually not the real reason that we abandoned our efforts. It’s simply how we make sense of the story after the fact.

In reality, I think it comes down to the fact that some part of us decides that what we hoped to gain wasn’t worth what we would need to give up.

But the part of us that comes to this conclusion may not be working with actual facts. It may simply be defending the status quo. (See also: Ego defenses)

To that end, if you suspect that this belief (“What I have to gain isn’t worth what I’d have to give up”) is thwarting your progress, I encourage you to make two lists:

1. What I have to give up
2. What I stand to gain

Ideally, this exercise can happen in a judgment-free zone. Try to record your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings as completely and neutrally as possible. And then, step back and view your lists as objectively as you can. Or reality-check them with a caring friend or coach.

There are no wrong feelings. And you may document some legitimate challenges that need to be addressed or accommodated. But you may also discover some beliefs that don’t actually square with reality. Or thoughts that are both unhelpful and optional. (And for more on that, see this episode of the Change Academy